Thursday 11 February 2021

Poll - What Do Women Desire In A Relationship At Valentine?

 It's Valentine's season once again and love is in the air. Coronavirus notwithstanding, love birds are putting finishing touches to waoh the love of their lives on Valentine's Day.

There are strategic alignments and realignments this season - while some are getting married this Valentine weekend, some are prepping to pop the all-important wedding proposal question. There are others who are hoping that their friendship relationship would blossom into a romantic one; while sadly some relationships may also end this season.

Our quest is to find out what is uppermost in the minds of women (for now) when going into a serious relationship that would lead to marriage. In simple terms, our quest is to find why women get married.

We would appreciate your sincere opinions, please.
Thank you.

Thursday 10 September 2020

Life Lessons From Novak Djokovic's Disqualification From The 2020 US Open


The story made headlines around the world –

Novak Djokovic out of US Open after hitting line judge with a tennis ball - ESPN

Novak Djokovic hits a ball at US Open line judge - Telegraph UK

The great Novak Djokovic, a living legend of the game of tennis, had just been disqualified from the ongoing 2020 US Open tournament.

Novak Djokovic walking off the court
Novak Djokovic walking off the court after being disqualified from the US Open

Who is Novak Djokovic?

For the uninitiated, Novak Djokovic is currently the world number 1 ranked tennis player.  The 33-year-old Serbian who is a 17-time grand slam champion strides the world of tennis like a colossus. He is best known for his prolific drop shots and return of serve especially on the hard courts of tennis.

Djokovic stands head and shoulder above his fiercest rivals - Rafael Nadal (ranked number 2 in 2020 ATP rankings) and Roger Federer (ranked number 4 in the 2020 ATP rankings) 

And NO, the great tennis player was not defeated by an opponent in open play. He was disqualified for accidentally hitting one of the officials - the line judge - with the tennis ball on her neck

But surely, such an unintentional action could have been overlooked especially for such a great player like the 17-time grand slam champion! Alas! rules are rules even for the great Novak and he was shown the exit door out of the competition. 

Hear what the USTA -United States Tennis Association had to say about the incident:

Friemel (the officiating referee) defaulted Djokovic "in accordance with the Grand Slam rulebook, following his actions of intentionally hitting a ball dangerously or recklessly within the court or hitting a ball with negligent disregard of the consequences."

His opponent - Pablo Carena Busta - got an easy qualification into the next round of the competition. 

And, he is not alone. Some years back, another legendary player in the women category – Serena Williams – who was chasing a personal ambition of equalling, was also disqualified for verbally assaulting an official over a poor decision. Poor Serena, her greatness notwithstanding, the official simply enforced the rules and she was booted out of that competition for that year.

...if anyone competes as an athlete, he does not win the prize unless he competes according to the rules.

Life lessons from Novak Djokovic

1) Be humble enough to accept your mistakes

Novak Djokovic showed great strength of character by owning up and apologising for his error both onfield and later publicly on social media. On realising his mistake, his countenance changed and he immediately went over to apologise to the line judge who was holding her neck in pain

Novak Djokovic apologises to and checks to see if the line judge is okay
Novak Djokovic apologises to the line judge

Despite his fame and popularity, he laid aside ego and pride, chose to eat the humble pie, apologised and accepted the disqualification verdict of the umpire.

'I apologise to the US Open tournament and everyone associated for my behaviour' - Novak Djokovic

2) Anger is very costly

Novak Djokovic was the overwhelming favourite to win the 2020 US Open. His closest rivals in persons of Rafael Nadal and Roger Federer were not competing in this year's tournament, hence Djokovic was the expected to claim the title.

Djokovic, however, was angry during the game - he had gotten off to a slow start, was making unforced errors and even slipped and hurt his shoulder at a time. To crown it off, he was trailing his opponent in that round.

In the heat of pressure and emotions, he hit the ball without looking towards the back of the court and it hit the line judge who immediately fell on the ground clutching her neck.

That moment of insanity put a stain on Djokovic's impeccable records, which would take a while to wipe off. It also cost him about $250,000 in prize money as well as forfeiture of ranking points! Unchecked anger is costly. Learn to control your anger.

If you cannot control your anger, you are as helpless as a city without walls, open to attack.

3) Turn your setbacks to spring backs

Perhaps the most important lesson to emulate from the world number 1 is his determination to turn this ugly episode in his career into a spring back. He took to his Instagram page after the incidence to pen the following:

As for the disqualification, I need to go back within and work on my disappointment and turn this all into a lesson for my growth and evolution as a player and human being,” 

This is what distinguishes the boys from the men, the contenders from the champion - the attitude and mental strength to look within and make honest self-appraisals and corrections. The capacity to spot the silver lining in the dark cloud, to rise up when you fall, to turn disappointments into victories. I shared a personal experience here.

Rules of Engagement of Life

Like the game of tennis ( as any other structured sports), life itself has rules that govern the interactions of human beings. Almost every field of human endeavour is governed by a set of rules set up and enforced by a governing authority.

The universe itself is governed by a set of rules, set up and enforced by the creator of the universe – GOD Almighty. And like any inventor or manufacturer of a product, the Almighty has detailed the mechanisms and modus operandi of life in his operating manual. Ignorance of these mechanisms or rules of engagement of life is not an excuse and violation attracts consequences.

My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge.

Some rules govern family, marriage, raising children, careers and business, politics and government, sports etc. The frustration experienced by most people in certain areas of life is simply because they are going against the rules of engagement of life either through ignorance or simply by wilful recalcitrance.

Some characteristics of rules 

1)      1)  They are set up by a governing body to guide the operations or interactions of people within the jurisdiction of the governing body, which is saddled with the responsibility of enforcing them.

2)     2They are usually documented and made available for all to see and know.

3)      3)    They offer rewards and sanctions/punishments/consequences for actions or inactions taken.

4)      4)      They offer predictable outcomes – if someone follows through the rules, there are often rewards and if another person violates them, he/she suffers the consequences.

5)      5)     Rules are levellers. They apply to all kinds of people in all kind of circumstances, their reputation or social status notwithstanding.

6)      6) Ignorance of rules within a specific jurisdiction is inexcusable and is often met with the appropriate sanction or punishment.

Final thoughts... 

Are you playing according to the relevant rules of life?

 In your marriage, are you playing by the rules? Do you realise that there are consequences for mistreating your spouse, your children? Are you relating according to the rules with your in-laws?

In your finances, are you playing according to the rules governing finances? Do you save, invest and give to the poor and less privileged?

In your health, are you playing according to the rules? Do you take adequate care of your body understanding that you are just a tenant in it? Or do you abuse it indiscriminately with drugs, alcohol, unhealthy foods? Do you exercise regularly as well as going for a regular medical check-up?

Do you realise that one day you would retire from active work, your body would not be strong enough to carry through and you will be unable to work and fend for yourself? Are you adequately preparing for that 'rainy' day? 

Do you realise that the real you – your soul which expresses your unique personality- is a tenant in your body and that one day the tenancy will expire and your soul will be evicted? Are you making adequate preparation for that day of eviction? 

Let's play the game of life according to its rules.


Novak Djokovic shook off the setback and disappointment of the US Open to clinch the Italian Open title. He did so in grand style by defeating Diego Schwartzman in straight sets of 7-5. 6-3 on Monday 21st September 2020. With this triumph. Djokovic won his 36th Masters title, surpassing the record he and Rafael Nadal once shared. He is currently in the quarter-finals of the ongoing French Open 2020!

That is the stuff Champions are made off. They turn their setbacks into springboards for success. Great job Djokovic!

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Wednesday 2 September 2020

Let's Stop Child Abuse in Africa : 10 Practical Steps You Can Take

STOP!!!! You may be abusing your child without even realizing it!!! There are various forms of child abuse and sexual abuse is just one of them.

Let's get started...

Children are bundles of joy, priceless treasures to their parents specifically and the world in general. They are brought forth in families and entrusted to parents for nurturing, development and training. The parents are to love and care for them, shelter them,, inculcate values into them. The child's first world view is shaped from the home hence the saying 'Charity begins at home.'

Parents are entrusted with the enormous responsibility of discovering and harnessing each child's unique endowments, talents and gifting. These divine endowments define a child's personality and differentiate one child from the other even within the same family. A lack of understanding of this fundamental idea is the root and bane of child abuse especially in Africa

What is Child Abuse?

The United Nations defines a child as a human being under the age of the eighteen (18) years.  The General Assembly in 1959 adopted the Declaration of the Rights of the Child, which defines children’s rights to protection, education, health care, shelter, and good nutrition.

Simply put, 

Child abuse is when a child is denied his/her basic rights or happiness

When children are denied their basic needs including feeding, clothing, shelter, love, that's Child abuse. 

When children are undermined or used them against their will to further the cause of others. that's Child abuse. 

When their freedom is stifled or outrightly denied without consideration of their esteem or feelings, that's Child abuse.

Let's consider some practical examples of child abuse particularly within the African context.

1) Stop indiscriminate physical abuse! 

Flogging a child as a form of discipline is the most common form of physical abuse of children in Africa. Its intent is to correct a child's wrongdoing. It is believed that flogging/caning instils fear into a child and thereby acts as a deterrent to doing wrong and truancy. Hence the fear of the rod/cane becomes the beginning of the discipline. 

Those who spare the rod of discipline hate their children. Those who love their children care enough to discipline them.

However, most African parents batter their children in the name of flogging them. This is because they flog at the spur of the moment, in the heat of anger.  The flogging thus becomes excessive and inflicts injuries, bruises and wounds on the child. 

That's when flogging becomes physical child abuse - when it stops been corrective but punitive in nature. You may want to read more on my idea of flogging a child as a form of discipline here

In summary,

Flogging is meant to be a tool to lovingly correct an errant child as opposed to being an instrument to unleash terror that leaves scars, wounds and injuries on the child's body. 

This concept holds true for children who are in their pre-teenage years. As children become teenagers, they naturally become rebellious and flogging them may become counter-productive. At this stage, a verbal correction may be a better option.

2. Stop verbal abuse!

Verbal abuse is another common form of child abuse. It occurs when parents demean their children by raining insults, abuses on them; calling them names when they are provoked. The effect of verbal abuse results in emotional trauma as children struggles with their self-esteem even till adulthood. Many become timid and shy, not knowing how to express themselves as a result of the inferiority complex developed.

Hence pouring invectives on a child for wrongdoing is not a healthy way of correcting them but rather it pulls them down and destroys their esteem. A child should grow up with praise rather than abuse. Praise builds the esteem that criticisms destroy

Let's stop verbal abuse, please!!! 

3. Stop denying children food as a form of punishment!

This act was quite rampant whilst growing up. Our parents erroneously denied food as a form of punishment for wrongdoing. This usually follows a round of verbal and physical abuse after a child errs. The understanding then was that an empty stomach would provoke some sort of remorse as well as a form of control. 

This punitive style, however, does more harm than good. When a child is denied his/her basic needs in the home, the tendency is to look for that need outside the home. If a child is denied love at home, then he/she goes looking for it outside, most times from friends. In the same vein, if a child is denied food at home, then he/she goes outside to vend and feed himself. This leads to exposure to vices including stealing, drugs, violence.

4. Stop exposure to alcohol and alcoholic drinks. 

The UN Charter defines a child as an individual under the age of eighteen (18) years. In Nigeria as well as most African countries, the legally permissible age to consume alcohol is eighteen. Hence anyone under 18 years is considered a minor and is prohibited by law from consuming alcohol. 

As a result of laxity in enforcement, however, this provision of the law is often violated and African parents and guardians now make it a point of duty of introducing their wards to alcohol before the legally permissible age erroneously believing it will toughen the child.

Asides the addictive tendencies, "alcohol can negatively impact on your child's problem-solving skills and performance at school as well as potentially affecting their body, mood and mental health."

5. Stop denying shelter (locking them out!) because they offended you!

Like food and clothing, shelter is one of the basic needs of children. Depriving them of this need because of an offence committed is a form of child abuse. Those who have experienced this form of maltreatment know how unpleasant and unsafe it could be

First, the child is exposed to the elements - harsh weather conditions (like a cold night) and an open invitation for mosquitoes to feast on. Then there is the exposure to negative influences which may result in teenage pregnancies, STIs etc. The stigmatization from this could last a lifetime!

Religious folks with stiff dogmatic beliefs are often prone to meting out this kind of treatment. In an effort in enforcing their beliefs on their children, they often go overboard, handling cases like teenage pregnancy with denial of shelter and sometimes outright disowning of the child!

This manner of punishment however only hardens the heart of the child and steers him into rebellion and hatred of the religion. Please let's stop it!

6. Stop the Failed Promises!

Do you remember promising your child a reward for performing a task like passing his/her exams? "Junior, you say, 'daddy would buy you a bicycle if you score straight As in your exam!'"

Excited and motivated, Junior studies hard, daily dreaming of how he would show off his bicycle to his friends in the neighbourhood.  He has absolute faith that daddy would keep his word. In his mind, owning a bicycle is a done deal. But alas! daddy was only joking!!!!

You can then imagine devastation when daddy doesn't keep his promise, even after he scored straight As! His hopes and dreams are shattered and he is heartbroken.

Dear parent, your children do not forget your promises. Their impressionable minds absorb and believe all that you tell them.

In the first instance, promising a child a gift to do tasks at home, or be in their best behaviour, or for good academic performance, and not fulfilling that promise is not good as a promise is a commitment to do something.

When a promise is made to a child, the child's hopes is heightened as he/she becomes expectant. When that promise is not fulfilled even after they have played their own part of the deal, the child's hopes are shattered and they will begin to lose their trust in you. Moreso, they get the impression that promises are not meant to be kept.

Please stop the empty promises! It is better not to promise at all that promise and not fulfil them. You don't want to come across as a liar and a dishonest person.

7. Stop the needless errands!.

There are age-appropriate errands your child can run at a certain age...

If you live in a densely populated area, a compound full of people, reduce the number of people sending your child unnecessary errands. Your child should not be made available to anyone who wants to sneeze, cough or drink water... Your child is not their errand Joe or delivery van.

Do you know a child shouldn't be sent to buy beer, cigarette, pad, for adults?

If a child cannot exercise their franchise to vote, then it is absolutely wrong on the side of adults to make children/minors run this kind of errands.

Why can't adults run their errands themselves?

8. Stop using children in the 'love triangle'.

Those big uncles, aunties and older cousins are guilty of this. They use their little cousins, nieces and nephews as their dispatch rider to deliver love notes/messages to their love interest, whenever things go south between them.

A child shouldn't be caught up in all that heartbreak muddle. Spare them that drama while you deal with your challenges without involving them.

9. Stop the comparisons!

Never compare a child to other children. It destroys their esteem and confidence level.

I know the aim is to challenge the child to do better but your child's mate is not and should not be their benchmark for success/progress or growth. Every child is unique in their own way and path. Their journeys are different. Let them grow at their own pace.

10. Stop the adult content programming.

TV content comes with ratings. There are this meant for kids, and those rated PG and those classified 18+... In all this, as adults do you pay attention to the warning labels on these films or you just overlook and allow them to?

It is wrong.

Children are very impressionable. Their inquisitive minds like a sponge, absorb whatever it is exposed to.  Hence whatever they are exposed to is what they manifest. Children shouldn't be allowed to view adult contents. They should be restricted. And adult content should not be watched during the time children are around because sometimes it will be very difficult to explain these things to them.

The whole idea is to identify our areas of fault and make adjustments.

And a bonus point...

11)  Stop using your children to fulfil your own dreams

Your child is not the fill-in-the-gap, of the childhood memory you wished you should have had. Let them wear clothes that are age-appropriate for them, and not for your image/person.

You did not have them to live life through your lens... Their life is not your childhood dreams or to relive your childhood fantasies.

Please let's stop living our dreams through their lives.

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Saturday 16 May 2020

Help! Smiling Faces Are Fast Disappearing In Public

As the post-COVID-19 world begins to emerge, a world where facemasks have become the new normal, one of life’s most priceless gift is gradually being stolen from us – SMILES.

What is a Smile?
A smile is that facial expression that expresses feelings of happiness, excitement, pleasure, approval and satisfaction. It is a form of non-verbal communication that communicates the above emotions and much more!

The charming smiles of a little girl with blue eyes
The charming smiles of a little girl

A smile says more than a thousand words the inner feelings of a person. It communicates love, empathy, friendliness and appreciation and acceptance.

Can you imagine the joy of a parent as she beholds the enchanting smiles of her newborn? – Ah, pure bliss! 
Or the radiant joy of a bride expressed by the smiles on her face on her wedding day! 
Or the satisfaction of a businessman landing a contract after a tedious process of bidding and negotiations? 
Or the ecstatic feeling of joy when your favourite club wins a tournament like the Champions League!

Laughter and Smiles are the expressions of those memorable moments of pure joy – whether it’s the joy of birthing a baby into the world, or getting married, taking a selfie or photoshoot or simply just hanging out with favourite pals in a jovial atmosphere

Can you imagine a world without this intrinsic facial expression? What would make a photograph memorable without the smiling faces of the people striking a pose in it?

I was at a shopping mall the other day to buy some groceries. In compliance with the new laws of public appearances, everyone was masked up and there was a queue leading to the entrance of the mall. 

Whilst on the queue, I ran into a childhood friend who was also on the queue. After the initial ‘is she the one or is she not the one’ (because of her masked face) contemplation. I finally took the plunge by calling out her name. She turned and behold she was actually the one. 

At that very moment, my dilemma greatly increased – do I hug her (Mr Coronavirus screamed NO), do I give her a handshake? (COVID-19 whispered ‘beware of coronavirus, remember you haven’t seen her in years!)

Meanwhile, I was seriously smiling, excited to see my childhood friend again. My smiles were however veiled by my own mask and hence she couldn’t see my excitement.  Out of exasperation, I finally clasped my palms together in  traditional Indian ‘Namaste’ fashion and then said ‘hello’.

It has been scientifically proven that when one smiles, the body releases certain chemical substances called hormones which makes the body feel good and even lowers blood pressure! Dopamine, for example, is known as the 'feel-good hormone'.

Neuronation says 

"When you smile flashes across your face, dopamine, endorphins and serotonin are released into your bloodstream, making not only your body relax but also works to lower your heart rate and blood pressure."

That is just one of several scientifically proven benefits of smiling.

Asides the health benefits of smiling, smiles make our world go round as they add colour and charm to it. They evoke strong memories as we go through our photo albums and remember times shared with people we love and cherish.
Again, I ask, can you imagine how our world would be without smiling faces?

Post COVID-19 public photographs would, however, feature the faces of people whose charming smiles have been masked for fear of contracting the coronavirus disease.

Finally, in the words of Kirk Franklin, 'you look so much better when you smile'. Keep smiling people.

"Laughter does good like medicine".

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Thursday 30 April 2020

COVID-19 : How The Ankara Facemask Is BecomingThe New Normal as well as a Goldmine During a Pandemic

Ankara Facemasks are fast becoming the new normal. They are the latest entrants, the new-kids-on-the-block as it were, into the intriguing world of fashion and its accessories, no thanks to the COVID-19 pandemic.

How Ankara facemask complements formal dressing
Lady wearing bright-coloured Ankara Facemask
Credits: Mam Matty Store on 

A lady wearing a bright coloured and patterned Ankara Facemask
Lady Wearing Ankara Facemask
A surgical facemask being held by the straps by a woman trying to wear it
A Surgical facemask being worn by a woman

In a bid to curb the spread of the COVID-19 in Nigeria, the President, Muhammadu Buhari, announced amongst other measures, that facemasks must be worn at all public functions. The Governor of Lagos State had earlier made it compulsory for residents of the state to put on face masks whenever they appear in public.

With that announcement, facemasks joined the long list of clothing accessories like jewellery, handbags, headgears, make-up and facials that have over the years evolved to become a must-have in every wardrobe, especially the female wardrobe. Only this time, the face mask is no respecter of persons.
What are Facemasks?
Originally created as surgical masks that act as pieces of protective covering, that protect the faces of doctors from germs and infections during surgical procedures, they have since evolved to connote a wide variety of things as defined below by Wikipedia
Facemask may refer to:
·         mask for the face
·  Face mask (gridiron football), a face protector attached to a helmet, or the foul of grasping it during play
·         Facemask (orthodontics)
·         Diving mask
·         Facial mask, used for cosmetic skin treatment
·    Respirator, which aims to protect its wearer from breathing in hazardous substances.
·         Cloth facemask
·         Dust mask

In the context of this post, however, they refer to cloth facemasks and come in a variety of fabrics, designs and colours especially the Ankara facemask, which is taking the African market by storm.  

The Ankara facemask
The Ankara facemask is a cloth mask made from the African Ankara - a cotton fabric usually characterised by bright and colourful patterns or designs.

They are mostly made from 100% cotton quality fabrics like the English Wax, HiTarget, DaViva or Akosombo. Some are also made from polyethene materials.

Unlike the regular surgical facemask, the Ankara facemask is reusable as it can be washed, sun-dried and used again and again. This quality endears it to those who use it. 

Asides preventing the spread of the coronavirus by limiting body fluids from accessing the eyes, nose or mouth thereby causing infection, they are now used to make fashion statements with matching colours, shapes and sizes just like any other fashion accessory. 

Any wonder that not a few fashion designers are smiling to the bank with their innovative and exquisite designs.

Some features of the Ankara facemask include:

1)    They are mostly made from 100% cotton material making them safe and comfortable to use.
2)    The usually contain double layers of fabric which act as air-filters, hence are breathable.
3)     They can be worn by either males or female, hence are unisex.
4)      They are usually UV-treated.
5)      They are washable and re-usable
6)      They come in various designs, either plain or patterned, hence are trendy.

  How to properly put on the face mask
  •    Most facemask consists of two sides. The surgical facemask, for example, consists of a white-coloured side as well as a green or blue-coloured side.
  •    The white-coloured side (which is designed to absorb your own body secretions) is the side to touch your face, while the green (or blue) coloured side (water-repellant and designed to repel the body fluids of others like sweat, saliva, blood) from being absorbed.
  •    The Ankara facemask also has two sides, however, either side can be worn facing in or out. This is as a result of the fitted air filter in-between the two sides.
  •    To wear your facemask, simply pick it up by the straps and place it across your face. Make sure that it completely covers your nose and mouth, all the way to just below your chin. 
  •     As much as possible, minimise handling or touching either side of the facemask.
  •    The facemask should be removed the same way it was put on - by unfastening the straps from the ears. While the surgical mask should be disposed of immediately after use, the Ankara mask can be washed, sun-dried and re-used.

The Ankara Facemask Goldmine

The global economy has been severely affected by the coronavirus pandemic so much so that a global recession looms. The price of oil in the global is at unprecedented low prices especially for the US crude which is trading at a negative.

Million of people have lost their jobs. Those still fortunate to have jobs are facing stringent pay cuts.

It is in the midst of this crisis that the opportunity of making facemasks for a global population of about seven billion people arises.

In Lagos Nigeria, the government tasked and empowered one thousand persons to produce one million masks for the populace.

A very commendable effort, though the number of masks produced was like a drop in the ocean compared to the over fifteen million people living in Lagos! Notwithstanding the initiative empowered one thousand people and got them engaged.

Acutely aware of the gross inadequacy of the number of cloth masks produced, the government launched the 'Mask Up Lagos' campaign aimed at encouraging individuals and businesses to tap into the Ankara facemask goldmine opportunity.

With an estimated population of fifteen million people, that is fifteen million masks per person per day. Imagine if the citizenry decides to purchase at least two pieces per head, that's a demand for thirty million facemasks for citizens Lagos alone!

Imagine the goldmine when citizens of Lagos start producing Ankara facemasks for export to the rest of Nigeria, West Africa, Africa and the world.....

Disadvantages of the Ankara Facemask
If indeed the Ankara facemask becomes a permanent clothing accessory like the headgear in African democracies, the only disadvantages I foresee might be security breaches as a result of identity theft.

Whilst at the university during the examinations period, some clever students perpetuated malpractices under the covering of the Moslem hijab.

As the Ankara facemasks cover most of the face save the eyes, some disgruntled elements may want to take advantage to perpetrate crimes or impersonate people.

The facemask also would rob the world of the beauty of facial expressions especially the enchanting smiles of some delectable people. Just imagining how selfies taken in public and photoshoots would look like...I hope to write another post on this.

In a modest effort in contributing to curbing the spread of the coronavirus, Lumie Concepts in partnership with Uzezi Coutores offers trendy and affordable facemasks to our esteemed audience.

Kindly peruse some of the facemasks on display below. Kindly contact Uzezi Coutores on +234-708-173-8212 if interested. SMS only.

Lady Wearing a plain purple-patterned facemask

Lady Wearing a plain brown facemask

A set of 6 packs of facemasks

A packaged spotted red facemask 
A beautiful girl wearing a colourful facemask

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